


20 Years of Nothing

by CurrentlyLost



Category: My Chemical Romance, frerard - Fandom
Genre: A LOT OF DIALOGUE, A little fluffy, M/M, One Shot, Open Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-15
Updated: 2017-11-15
Packaged: 2019-02-02 21:23:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12734559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CurrentlyLost/pseuds/CurrentlyLost
Summary: As the train pulled away from its stop, he sighed in relief, as if a weight had just been lifted off of his shoulders. The pressure of looking good in front of other people suddenly didn’t matter because he realized that it truly didn’t. He felt happy with his revelation and basked in its warmth, its freedom, its content sensation.





	20 Years of Nothing

_I haven’t been kidnapped and I didn’t “run away”. I’ve only left because I’m 20 and I don’t know what I want to do with my life, so I’ve decided to take the money I’ve saved up and travel as far as it will get me. Don’t worry about me, because this is a decision I’m finally proud of myself for making. I’ve left many of my belongings here, because I will mostly be moving around. I’ll call you when I can. I love you.  
  
-Frank_  
  
He placed the note written for his mother atop the dining room table and slung his backpack over his shoulder. He reached down and picked up a small sized suitcase and finally picked up his guitar, in its case, with the other. This was it, he thought, he’s going to find some place for himself in the world. Was he meant to do something great like he’d always believed he’d been born for or was he merely meant to live a simple life he’d never expected to? It was for him to find out, and he’d be lying if he said it didn’t scare him. Before closing his mother’s front door, he locked the knob. Walking the short distance to the train station, his world seemed almost brighter. He was leaving everyone he ever knew behind and he wasn’t sure how to process that information. He always thought whenever he left this godforsaken city, it would be him raising the bird as he left on tour with his band.  
  
They ended up breaking up before they could even perform an entire song together, much to his dismay, but he was slightly glad because he couldn’t imagine spending almost every single moment of his adult life with those guys all at once. Which is important. Be in a band with guys who are all friends, he scolds himself. It was his fault, really. He introduced them to one another, hoping they would get along, but they were all stubborn and hard-headed. He should’ve known better honestly.  
  
Looking at the different areas to go by train, he searched for the train that would take him the furthest. Once he got there, he’d get on the next one that took him further and he’d keep going. What would he do when he couldn’t go further? He’d figure it out when he got there.  
  
“One ticket for Phoenix, please,” he told the teller.  
  
“$450, please,” they answered. He pulled out his wallet and handed over five one hundred dollar bills. He received his change and ticket and walked his way to the platform to wait for his train. He pulled out his iPod and plugged in his earphones.  
  
As the train pulled away from its stop, he sighed in relief, as if a weight had just been lifted off of his shoulders. The pressure of looking good in front of other people suddenly didn’t matter because he realized that it truly didn’t. He felt happy with his revelation and basked in its warmth, its freedom, its content sensation. He didn’t care what the people he grew around thought of him. He didn’t care about the expectations his family had for him, his mother included, because this was finally a decision he made. He’d let his fear of caring what people thought control his own life and he’d finally had enough.  
  
He was working at the local deli in his hometown when he served a classmate and they asked him what he was still doing there. He didn’t know how to answer, because he didn’t have one. He silently thanked that person and left his job not even five minutes later. And here he was. On a train, with all the money he’s saved and a few belongings to bring along the way. Could he really do this? Could he really survive on what he had? He was terrified, but excited and happy at the same time. But more than anything, he was determined. He didn’t have the big dream anymore; he just wanted to see the world.  
  
“This seat taken?” He heard someone ask from through his music. He pulled an earbud out and looked in that person’s direction. He shook his head, gesturing for the man to sit across from him. After looking around, he saw that it was packed, save for that seat.  
  
“No, go ahead,” he said, giving the man a polite smile. He looked over his features and found himself impressed with the guy’s parents. His hazel eyes held a gaze of wonder and amazement of existence as a whole, his thin lips opened on one side more than the other when he talked and hid his small teeth. His jawline was refined, but he wasn’t completely thin. He was healthy, his black hair shining with nutrition was refreshing to see on a man (no offense), and his high cheekbones complimented the shape of his face.  
  
“So, where are you headed, if you don’t mind me asking?” He asked, a sheepish smile on his face. Frank shook his head, returning a confident smile to him.  
  
“I’m going as far as my money will take me,” he answers, sighing in relief at his answer and how wonderful it felt to finally be able to say something he was pleased with, something he was proud of himself for doing. The man raised his brow, an impressed look on his face.  
  
“Running away?” He asked. Frank scoffed.  
  
“I’m 20. Call me a free bird.” The other man nodded. “I’m Frank, by the way,” he said, holding his hand out for him to shake.  
  
“Gerard.” The two shook hands and sat in silence for a moment.  
  
“So, Gerard,” Frank started, “Where are you heading?” He asked, resting his chin on his hand and staring curiously at the other man. Gerard shrugged.  
  
“Going to visit some judgmental family members who expect me to be some fucking millionaire already,” he sighed, rolling his eyes at the thought of his family. “I’m only 24, man. I don’t think anyone can get somewhere that fast as a comic artist.” Frank’s eyes widened.  
  
“That’s still pretty awesome that you create something a lot of people enjoy. Fact is, if you enjoy it, then the money shouldn’t matter,” he said truthfully. Gerard eagerly nodded his head.  
  
“Yes! That’s exactly my point. I don’t give a shit about the money, man. Only art. Only in making anyone feel something.” Frank nodded in understanding.  
  
“You’re one of the good guys, Gerard. I like you,” he said, causing Gerard to chuckle.  
  
“So where exactly are you getting off the train?” Gerard asked. Frank smiled.  
  
“I always wanted to see the Grand Canyon. Phoenix is my first stop,” he said, thinking about how huge that canyon is. Gerard’s eyes lit up.  
  
“I’ve always wanted to go there, too!” He exclaimed, a huge smile on his face, the true kind where all his teeth showed and his eyes screamed truth. Frank chuckled and nodded his head as he took out his other earbud and turned his music off. He set the device aside and focused on the man before him who seemed to be deep in thought.  
  
“Yeah. Maybe we’ll run into each other again and I’ll let you know how it was,” Frank said. Gerard scoffed, a small smile on his lips.  
  
“What are the odds of that happening?” He asked rhetorically, a laugh coming shortly afterwards. Frank felt his body go warm at the sound and how he looked.  
  
“What were the odds of us meeting?” He shot back, a smirk on his face. Gerard shrugged his shoulders.  
  
“Good point. I guess if that happens and we meet again, then let me know and show me pictures.” Frank nodded and they stay silent for a while, just looking at the trees passing in a blur. Frank looked at his watch and realized that his mom would be getting home and seeing his letter on the kitchen counter. He wondered what her thoughts would be. He wondered if she would try to call him and as soon as that thought crossed his mind, he fumbled for his phone inside his backpack. Gerard raised his brow at the quick, panicky movement. “You okay?” He asked curiously, his tone going a bit higher. Frank managed to find it and quickly turned it over to take the battery out.  
  
“Oh,” he said, looking up at Gerard. “Um, I just realized that my mother was barely getting home and probably finding my note. I don’t want to talk with her just yet,” he explained with a sheepish smile. Gerard nodded in understanding. He looked over the other male and couldn’t help but be impressed with his physical features. His dark curved brows brought out his eyes while his strong jaw helped to shape his thin-lipped smile. His tattoos told stories that Gerard really wanted to know, while also suiting him. Gerard felt he would look wrong without those pictures.  
  
“That scorpion on your neck, what does it mean?” He asked, wanting to make more conversation with a man he truly wanted to befriend. Frank looked at him, instinctively reaching up to touch the tattoo.  
  
“Well, I guess now it’s a little stupid,” Frank said timorously, averting his eyes. “At the time, I was really proud of it, but, well, I guess I have no reason to regret anything.” Gerard found it amusing that Frank was tripping over his words. “I was in this band and being in a band was all I’d ever wanted to do. So when we went on tour for a little bit, we threw together some money and I got this tattoo as high as I could get it. It was motivation to keep me going, like, musically, because no one was going to hire me with a tattoo that was noticeable,” he said, finally making eye contact with Gerard.  
  
Gerard tilted his head. “So why are you leaving?” He asked. “Aren’t you still in the band?” Frank shook his head.  
  
“It all fell through and I never found another band. I found a job that would hire me as long as I wore a scarf or whatever. And that’s what I’ve been doing since I was fifteen,” he elaborated as he shrugged. Gerard rose his brow.  
  
“So, you just  _gave up_  after your first band fell through?” He asked. Frank’s head snapped towards him.  
  
“I didn’t  _just_  give up,” he said, trying to defend himself. “I was just going to take a break to raise up some cash, but then five years went by. And now I’m here,” he sighed. Gerard nodded understandingly.  
  
“I’m sorry if I offended you, you know, by saying that you gave up.” Frank gave him a little smile.  
  
“It’s alright. I can see how it looks from your point of view. A band is just something I always thought I’d do. My grandpa and my father were in a band and I wanted to keep that going, but I guess it just ends with me. Sometimes life doesn’t work the way you’ve planned it, but that isn’t always a bad thing. Sure, I wasted five years, but now I have the money to do what I’m doing now,” he explained. He was impressed with how smoothly all of that came out. He didn’t stutter once or even second guess what he was saying. It just poured out of him. Gerard gave him a smile and nodded eagerly.  
  
“No, I definitely understand what you mean! I always wanted to be a singer, but it never really happened. Drawing was normally something I had just done to pass the time and let my feelings out when something bad happened that day, but now it’s my career and I couldn’t be happier.” Frank smiled as he looked over at the sketchbook Gerard was clutching. He looked out the window at the passing view and focused back on his reflection, finding that he didn’t feel disgusted with who he was anymore. Frank pulled out one of his favorite books and flipped through to his favorite line: ‘As we went into the tunnel, I didn’t hold up my arms like I was flying. I just let the wind rush over my face. And I started crying and smiling at the same time.’  
  
“What’s that?” Gerard asked him. Frank looked back up at him.  
  
“It’s one of my favorite books,” he shrugged a little. Gerard snorted.  
  
“Well, what book?” Frank grinned and handed the book over. Gerard studied it. “Wow, seems interesting,” he nodded, handing it back.  
  
“I first read it when I was, like, fourteen. It changed me, honestly,” Frank explained. It seemed odd to him that that was nearly seven years ago. It seemed surreal to think he was escaping his old town, the place where he discovered that book in the old section of the library that no one seemed to pay attention to. He continued to read the book for a few more pages before putting it up; he didn’t want to become overwhelmed by the deepness of the book.  
  
“I think it’s… nice to have things that do that to you,” Gerard mumbled, almost as if he were talking to himself. Frank raised his brow, but only nodded his head, humming an agreement.  
  
For the next few hours, the two men conversed about random things on their minds, which ultimately led to another subject. Frank felt something he hadn’t felt in some time. The feeling of friendship. He’d spent so much time alone, so focused on working, that he’d never realized how much he missed it. After Gerard was done telling him about how many different versions of black there was, Frank gave him a smile he hoped conveyed how grateful he was. Gerard seemed to sense it and his head gave a little tilt to the side.  
  
“What?” He asked, trying to bite back his own shy smile. Frank shook his head.  
  
“No, I’m just…- Um, thank you. For, like, sitting here and talking with me,” he said truthfully, his words struggling to come out. Gerard finally let him smile out, his cheeks a hue of red.  
  
“Thank you for letting me sit here and talk to you,” he replied. Frank knew then that it was the start of a strong friendship. The loudspeaker came on and both sets of ears perked up. ‘All passengers for Union Station in Chicago, Illinois, we are now arriving.’ Gerard sighed.  
  
“That’s me,” he said, and Frank felt his chest do this type of clenching that he didn’t like.  
  
“Oh,” was all he could say. “Are you ready to face them?” He asked, trying to sort of lightening what seemed to be a damping mood. Gerard shrugged.  
  
“I guess. I’m not really sure what I want to do, Frank,” he said quietly. “I’m not happy.” Frank reached out and put his hand on the closest of Gerard he could reach: his knee.  
  
“Then be happy,” he said as if it were really that simple. And honestly, he thought, it was. All he had needed was a little push. Gerard scoffed.  
  
“It’s not that easy,” he said, as anyone would. Frank gave him a small smile.  
  
“I’m proof that it is. All I literally had to do was quit my shitty job, buy an expensive ass train ticket to somewhere I wanted to go, and I’m very happy. For the first time in years. I’m happy,” he said. Gerard made eye contact with him, the look in his eyes uncertain.  
  
“I...I don’t know, Frank.” Frank gave him a sympathetic smile.  
  
“Good luck at your family reunion, Gerard. It was nice meeting you,” he said as the train began slowing down. “Maybe we’ll meet again in the future.” All Gerard could do was nod and gather his things with shaky hands. He’d never thought about dropping everything just because he wasn’t happy. It was a huge decision and he had so much respect for Frank for being able to do it.  
  
He just wasn’t that kind of person. He’d worked hard going to school to earn his degree and didn’t want to just throw away all of that money, but he was just so unhappy. Soon, the train came to a halt right next to the platform and the two men exchanged glances at one another.  
  
“Is there no way I can contact you?” Gerard asked. Frank shook his head.  
  
“I’m not turning my phone on, I’m sorry,” he answered. Gerard nodded understandingly before standing up. “Then I guess… This is it,” he said. Frank nodded and held out his hand. Gerard placed his hand in Frank’s and shook his hand much more gently, the sadness evident in his body. As soon as the doors opened, Frank pulled out his earphones and turned his music back on. He didn’t want to see Gerard’s back as he left. Frank watched him stand up from the corner of his eyes and disappear in the crowd. He looked out the window as he waited for the train to start moving. It wasn’t long before it did, and he felt his heart break just a little bit. The friendship he could’ve gained with Gerard, he just left behind for the Grand Canyon. Was it worth it? Was a giant hole in the ground worth more than Gerard’s friendship.  
  
“This seat taken?” Someone asked him through his music. Frank pulled out an earphone and looked up only to to see Gerard smiling shyly down at him. His eyes widened, but then his gaze immediately softened.  
  
“No, go ahead,” he answered. Gerard sat next to him this time. “What will you tell your parents?” He asked. Gerard shrugged.  
  
“It doesn’t matter. I wanna live how I want to,” he said. “I get what you were thinking about when you left your job. You were thinking that life is too short to be spent working your ass off to pay bills and then die,” he explained. Frank nodded along.  
  
“That’s exactly it. You're not leaving anybody important behind, are you? Like a girlfriend or something?” He asked. Gerard did this little giggle that made Frank’s face feel a little hot.  
  
“Is that your way of asking me if I’m dating anyone?” Frank blushed harder, but he nodded. “Well, no. I’m not dating anyone. It seems like it’ll be me and you from now on,” he said. Frank visibly relaxed.  
  
“Well, Gerard, it looks like this is the start of a beautiful friendship.” Gerard threw his head back and laughed the laugh that made Frank’s heart flutter.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope y'all enjoyed this one shot. I thought I posted it on this site, but I hadn't so I thought I'd add it. Let me know what you think!
> 
> Honestly, I think I'm planning on rewriting this because the ending didn't do it justice. I spent about a year working on this oneshot and I want it to have a better written ending.
> 
> Much Love,  
> CL


End file.
